Okay, playa. Regardless of who you are - you are in a vicious game.
Hate it or love it /Suck it or not - you're playing, so you might as well win.
...How do you do that?
Well in the words of Eminem, "Be smart, don't be a retard."
So don't be like me for the past year and you'll be fine...
Rule #1) It's all about control. Whether or not you want it/think it's important, it doesn't matter - it's all about control. Don't lose it. Or you will be miserable. You will be squashed like a puny bug while she laughs and complains that she doesn't have enough control. Don't give into the vicious fukkin cycle...
Rule #2) Your girlfriend is not a part of your family. Your family comes first. Your family will not/shouldn't abandon you. Don't make such assumptions with your soon-to-be-ex.
Rule #3) Don't let her bring her stuff into your house. It may seem like a few things, but before you know it she has all of her toiletries, favorite coffee mug, makeup and the whole wardrobe scattered across your apartment. You might as well make her a key and put a mint on the pillow. Because your apartment has become a Holiday Inn and you're paying the bill.
Rule #4) Find a girl that has friends that are girls. If she doesn't have any close girlfriends, politely ask her to leave and evaluate why she has been a total bitch all her life.
Rule #5) Listen to your close friends. If they're normally straight with you and they say this girl is whack -take that into consideration for a second. If your mom says she's no good for you and your mom likes everyone in the world -maybe this girl is crazy. Sometimes your bastard friends are really just trying to help.
Rule #6) Never forget that you have a dick. As long as you have a dick, you can fuck. Don't let your free-swanging wang get buried in the sand. I'm not telling you to cheat; I'm telling you to remind your girl that you could cheat at any second. That just might stop her from bitching for a second.
Rule #7) Keep some things secret. Your girl doesn't need to know everything. If you show her all of your cards, you will be easily beaten. Remember, this is a game of chess. You have to always be plotting your next move. It may sound slightly neurotic and terrible - but toughen up, you're in the jungle now and there's a sniper looking to take you out or at least cut you down enough to get a Coach bag outta you.
Rule #8) Figure out her game and win. Don't play games back with her, beat her at her own game. If she wants a reaction (and ohhh she does) don't give her one. Give her silence. Don't respond, don't even acknowledge it. That's how Jigga beat Cam. However, if she knows that you are purposely ignoring her -that's not the best either. Then you might want to just act natural. But, don't - do not - respond to her tactics. That'll give the power right back (Damn - that means I can't publish this post for all to see...)
Rule #9) Don't let future/potential hookups read this post. You may have trouble landing tail if they know you know their game. However, some girls are so naive that they believe that they can win no matter what. Baqqup gurlfrend! Even a stalemate with you is a win for me! HAha!
Rule #10) Make up your own rules, where applicable. Just don't repeat my same mistakes. Cuz as my father says,
"Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame on me again."
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